Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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