You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
