Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
