Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize
