I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
