I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize
