i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
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