She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize