I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
