sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
i think im in europe. pls send help
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
try to milk me bitch
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
