Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
God, I missed his penis.
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