brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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