the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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