I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
