I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
