I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I have feelings that need drinking.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
