and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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