He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Randomize
