I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
