Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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