You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Randomize
