i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
