Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
