The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
i now understand why vodka
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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