What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
