I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
