she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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