the new term for farting is butt boxing.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
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