just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
