I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
