Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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