i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
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