Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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