I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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