Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
