This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
