I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
