1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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