if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
