Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
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