I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
