can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
