And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize