ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
even my farts smell like vagina
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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