He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
