a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
