you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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