What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
