The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
