I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
