I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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