that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
