Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Randomize
