someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Randomize
