I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
