i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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