Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
