I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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