she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
