Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
