I must be too annoying 4 u.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
