Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Randomize
