yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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