she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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