I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
