6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
