Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
