i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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