he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize