Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
