As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
