she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
the raccoons are back...
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