I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize