Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
