Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
