i need an iv and a liver transplant
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
