you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
