1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
