I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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