A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
