apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
