I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
