Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Randomize
