I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
She told me I should be a condom model.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
