Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
