dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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