once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
