i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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