So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
