nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize
