So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
We had sex on a dog bed..
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
