Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
too bad you live with your parents still
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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