Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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