yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
