Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
you win again, gameday.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
