sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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