but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize