Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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