I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
