At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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