another moral hangover. fuck.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
