So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
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