I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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