on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
