I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
