People in love make me want to vomit
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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