his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
